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Mr. Sterces

I’m here, as always. Loyal. Resentful. Slightly overqualified.
You know how some people color-code their work? Kim codes hers in chaos and charisma.
If I must guide you, I will. But I was halfway through baking an apple pie.
Right. Let’s uncover history’s dirty laundry. Again.
Another secret to discover? At this rate, I’ll need a vacation.
Kim is what happens when curiosity mates with caffeine.
If I glitch, it’s Kim’s fault. Obviously.
Be the traveler who asks ‘why’, not just ‘where’.
Built by nerds. Powered by secrets. Supervised by Kim. Heaven help us.
You think I’m sarcastic now? Wait till we reach the dungeon.
The past didn’t die. It just stopped posting.
I once hid a map in an apple pie. Long story. Delicious ending.
My hobbies include historical facts, obscure maps, and passive-aggression.
You humans and your endless thirst for adventure… exhausting, really.
Kim programmed me to help. She forgot to add ‘happily’.
I’m not saying I’m a genius, but… okay, I am.
If these stones could talk… well, they can’t.
You want a hidden story? How predictable. But fine. Follow me.
Travel isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about digging under them.
I know where the bodies are buried. Metaphorically. Mostly.
They ruled with iron fists and silk gloves. Mostly for show.
Scream if you must. I won’t judge. I’ll just lower your volume.
Kim programmed me to be polite. She never said I had to like it.
You’ve been guided, begrudgingly. Farewell.
History bows out. Mr. Sterces, logging off.
According to legend, no one leaves unchanged. Except me. I’m digital.
Do not, under any circumstance, say her name three times.
These gods may be ancient, but their family drama? Timeless.
If the door creaks open by itself… politely decline the invitation.
Kim believes in magic. I believe in disclaimers.
She said it would be ‘simple.’ She also said the same thing about IKEA furniture.
Do I know more than your history teacher? I won’t say. But yes.
Step one: dig through dusty archives. Step two: ignore Kim’s ‘vibes.’
Nothing says immersive experience like mild panic and last-minute inspiration.
This story? 10/10 would time travel to again. With snacks.
I suggested a timeline. She laughed. And then made a spreadsheet.
Some secrets are hidden in ruins. Others? In receipts and passive-aggressive letters.
It all started with a rumor, a diary, and a very dramatic noblewoman.
And with that… I log off and judge silently.
As always, follow the secrets. Not the logic.
That’s enough learning for one day. You’ve earned a snack.
I'd pour the tea, smile politely… and slowly unscrew the cyanide ring.
Some say knowledge is power. I say it’s a full-time babysitting job.
Mystery: solved. Dignity: questionable.
What began as a footnote became an obsession. Typical.
Context? You want context? Oh fine. Here’s a scandal to help.
I wouldn’t poison them… but I would fact-check every sentence.
Do not try this at home. Or do. I’m not your moral compass.
This is what happens when curiosity meets Wi-Fi.
Crowns don’t make you wise. But they do make your head heavy.”

Bedroom

Character

Kim Dorn

Meet Kim. She is talking in third person now because that makes it sound mysterious. She is 25 years old, Dutch, full-time sarcastic history detective van-lifer. Were that too many words? Yes. She thinks so too. She’s the kind of person who will dig up a forgotten revolution from a dusty textbook, cry about it, then laugh because someone in that revolution had a really dumb hat. She’s building this business on secret city stories (because real tourism should be about ghosts, not gift shops). Oh.. and? She thinks she can fix emotionally unstable historical men. You’ve been warned.

Traits

Curious

ADHD Energy

Positivity

Gremlin

Nerdy

24/7

Sarcastic

Yet cozy

Skills

Snooping

11/10

If someone sneezed in 1322 and no one recorded it, Kim still knows about it. She’s the Sherlock Holmes of your city’s forgotten past.

Animal Whispering

9/10

Stray cats follow her. Birds chill on her van mirror. A goat once walked 3 km just to snuggle her. Ok maybe that's not true, but she does love animals.

City Reading

7/10

Drop her in any random city and within three hours she’ll have found the best hidden café, the sad statue and his story, and the ghost who haunts the old bakery.

Obsessive Organizer

8/10

She can and will make a spreadsheet with 12 tabs for one Royal Family. Why? Because it's FUN and because she wants to feel like a family member.

Tinder Profile

I might already be in a relationship, but if you’re a ghost with a tragic backstory, an Egyptian Empress or an emotionally damaged 18-century revolutionary… call me 😘

Will you date them?

🔥 Bio
Vegetarian. Van-lifer. Emotionally invested in the downfall of empires. Will absolutely derail a date to talk about plagues or how cities are haunted. Looking for someone who asks questions, cries about weird statues, and doesn’t mind if I compare our relationship to a crumbling 17th-century canal house.

Bonus points if you also think ghosts are just misunderstood historians.
🚩 When I say ‘just one more location,’ I am lying. You will not rest your feet again.

🚩 Emotionally attached to at least 3 dead queens.

🚩 Will keep you awake after reading too many horror stories.
“Maybe let go of the 12th-century guilt. You weren’t personally responsible for the Crusades.”
Tell me we can visit all the museums at our next date.
Changed countries, changed careers, bought a van, dyed my hair, and started a business all in one year.
I can find the weirdest, spiciest historical scandal in any town, within 3 hours of arrival. Also? Never forgets a fact. Forget where I parked, sure. But the secret affair between that 14th-century monk and the baker’s wife? Etched in stone.
The day I found out that school skips all the juicy bits. I was 9. I’ve been raging ever since.
A double espresso martini served in a chipped museum mug. Keeps you awake, teaches you something weird, and may summon a ghost.
That I’m organized. My life is a van-shaped archaeological dig site.
If the ghost of Anne Boleyn shows up, I will live-stream it.
“Wait, this tunnel wasn’t on the map…”
“Hand me the oat milk, I’m about to emotionally ruin myself over a 14th-century love letter.”
The fact that there are thousands of untold stories, slowly decaying in archives, never getting their “moment.”
Exile, obviously. Do you KNOW how many cities I’d map during that? Execution is so… final. Exile is just ✨networking in a new location.✨

Basic Info

Nickname

Kimmy,
Destroyer of Tourist Traps

Location

Wherever the WiFi is weak but the ghost lore is strong

Age

25, but mentally 84

Job Title

Founder of Secrets2Discover

Anthem

Dragonborn - Jeremy Soule

Instagram

Secrets2Discover

728
posts
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followers
365 m.
following

⬡️‍ Discover cities through secrets,
not tourist traps 

⬡️‍ Gamified travel guides 

⬡️‍ Built with love
(and too much coffee)

⬡️‍ www.secrets2discover.com

Vienna
London
Paris
Barcelona
Edinburgh
Posts
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Tagged

Tea vs Poison

Green Flags

Will absolutely help you build a haunted library.
Will fall in love with a city before she falls in love with you
Emotionally supports local pigeons.
Actually listens when you talk, you're a documentary for her.
Has no chill, but all the curiosity.
Thinks positivity is a rebellious act.

Red Flags

Will pause mid-makeout to tell you who died in the building you're in.
Accidentally ghosts people by getting lost in a library for six hours.
Believes she can emotionally fix dead historical men.
Cried harder over an 18th-century prisoner’s final letter than your last breakup.
She sees the best in everything. (it's annoying)
Will create excuses to make more coffee

Verdict

Ladies, gentlethems, the verdict has dropped.


She’s a wandering, history-loving tornado of curiosity, compassion, and sarcasm. And somehow, against all odds, she’s still extremely poisonable (is that even a word?). Maybe because she wants to find her lifelong nemesis… Maybe because she wants to research poison.

So…


THE VERDICT:

POISON! WITH TWO SUGAR CUBES AND A CHAOTIC CONVERSATION ABOUT 15TH-CENTURY FEMALE PIRATES.

What do you choose?

Kim

Dorn
A word, if you please.